I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
