last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
