Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
