She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
