if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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