is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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