I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
