I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
