Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
