it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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