So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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