before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
