I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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