North Korea, Best Korea!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
