her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
