His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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