So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
