I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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