I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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