I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
