Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
