Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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