how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
