are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
