I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
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If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
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