you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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