My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
