At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
