I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
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dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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