I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
