if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
