before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
