just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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