also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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