I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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