check it out our google latitudes are spooning
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
