Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I looked at my own cervix.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
