Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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