This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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