Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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