Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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