When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
