walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You pole danced in your parka.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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