I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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