Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
