Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize