if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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