He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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