i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
