I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
