I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
