Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
