I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
