can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My feet surprised me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
