there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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