Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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