I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
