I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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