His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
