Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm lost and stupid without you.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
