I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
