Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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