Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
