In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize