Its about making memories worth repressing
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
