a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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