he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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