After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In other news, I just burned my penis
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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