so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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