dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
