I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize