i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
