I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
